Second Choice, First Problem
This merits a blog because I have now heard this woman’s story on Dear Prudie and The Kane Show. Her fiancée and his friend had a falling out. As a result, the former friend sent her old emails where her fiancée admits that he was more attracted to her best friend and he found her ‘plain and mildly annoying.'
Her wedding date is in six months and instead of this being the happiest time in her life, all she can think about is how her fiancée originally liked her friend better. Is he still hot for her? Is he fantasizing about her? The fiancée has “apologized profusely” and she believes they wouldn’t be engaged if he didn’t love her but she still can’t get it out of her head.
The Kane Show had people who had been in that place call in. One woman said she was originally more attracted to her husband’s friend but they’ve been happily married for years. Kane admits his wife wasn’t originally interested in him and they have two kids. More than one caller said that personality wins out over looks in the end.
Prudie told this woman that there’s a reason her fiancée didn’t want this person in his life. As far as I can tell from both stories, she was an innocent bystander in this and the former friend decided to hurt her in an effort to hurt the fiancée. She also said that in the end, her fiancée picked her. That’s what matters the most.
I’m going reiterate what they’re saying. He picked you. He’s marrying you. Even you admit your best friend is objectively hot. It would be weird if he wasn’t attracted to her at all. Listen to what he’s saying. He had a choice and didn’t pick her. Maybe you’re more interesting or fun to be around. Maybe you’re less maintenance.
I find it weird she’s seeking so much external validation. First a major advice column and now a radio show? See a counselor if you can’t get past it. It’s nice to hear what you need to hear but ultimately the public won’t give you the tools to fix the damage. This should not be affecting your relationship this much.
And FYI, all guys fantasize about what they don’t have. If him dreaming of Megan Fox has added benefits for my love life, fine by me. You don’t tell me about your Christina Hendricks fantasy and I won’t tell you about Nonso Anozie. Deal?