Tags: sex


Doubled His Pleasure, Not His Fun

I heard something on the radio this morning which illustrates why I’m not a big fan of casual sex. The morning DJ does an advice letter every morning at the same time and today’s letter writer was a twentysomething guy who was happily dating around and playing the field. This of course meant that he was sleeping with all the girls he’s dating. This didn’t become horribly awkward until one girl called and told him she could be pregnant. If it’s true, she wants to keep it. Then he got another call from another girl telling him that she might also be pregnant and she wants to keep it.

The cynic in me can’t help but think it’s possible that these women thought they were his one and only, found out about each other, and hatched this plot just to torment him/teach him a lesson. If my Mr. Right Now lead me to believe I was the only one and found out I wasn’t? I can’t promise I’d be above retaliation. I wouldn’t take it this far but that scenario is entirely plausible to me and a lot less crazy than other stuff I’ve actually heard done.

The problem comes up if this is really happening. Sex, as fun as it is, has very real consequences people like to forget about and dismiss because sex is fun and nobody wants to be an uptight prude.

There are diseases, infections, and parasites. Some diseases are asymptomatic in certain genders so that hottie at the bar may be carrying courtesy of someone else. Some diseases like herpes only show symptoms sporadically and can be transmitted with or without protection. HIV can lay dormant for years.

There’s the possibility of off-spring since that’s kind of the biological point of sex. Kids are incredibly expensive. I heard it takes around half a million dollars to take a child from infancy to legal adult. I don’t know how true that actually is but it sound pretty believable to me.

You’re also stuck with the other parent of your child for life. You can stop a lot of one night stands with the question of “Do I want to deal with this person as the parent of my future child for the next 20 years?” Even if you opt not to keep it, adoptive parents aren’t always easy to find and abortions aren’t cheap either.

I will never knock sex between two consenting adults. It’s a fun and intimate thing to do. I’m a big fan. But something with very real consequences should be taken seriously.

Sweet Lips

Tips for Sexual Criminals

My friend found this in the interwebs and posted it on facebook.  I absolutely love this! 

1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.

2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!

3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!

4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.

5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!

6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.

8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.

9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!

10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

And, ALWAYS REMEMBER: if you didn’t ask permission and then respect the answer the first time, you are commiting a crime--no matter how “into it” others appear to be.

Women always seemed to get blamed for these crimes because we weren't watching our drink closely enough, we walked home by ourselves, we were dressed a certain way, or we were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Why is it someway, somehow at least partly our fault?  It should be the fault of the men who think it's OK in the first place.  I've heard that since people don't date anymore but hook-up instead, sexual assaults have increased.  I don't have any hard data but it's a logical statement. 

A few years back I read a book called Unhooked about hook-up culture where one girl went on a date (it was like a dance or something), he assaulted her but she felt partly responsible for not saying "No" loudly enough or something of that nature.  It was rape.  Pure and simple.  Unfortunately, she didn't see it that way and just called it "A really bad situation."  In Pledged, one of the sorority sisters was assaulted when a frat brother she was familiar with gave her 'a ride home.'  Later in the book, some of his fellow frat brothers cornered a guy she was talking to at a party and said she had sex with a frat brother and "changed her mind."  Yeah, because saying "No!" doesn't actually mean "No! Stop! This is officially a crime." 

Since sex and other things have become normal and expected for no reason other than the person is there, people don't realize they aren't entitled to, well, anything.  Now, it's par for the course for boys to expect blowjobs simply because they ask.  If you say no, you may be pressured and be called a prude and other obnoxious things.  I know this is not all guys but it is definitely not a limited minority.  While a minority of men commit these crimes, the sense of sexual entitlement is a new, growing, very disturbing phenomenon. 

Sex is a privilege, not a right.  It is really that simple.  Just because you take me out doesn't mean I owe you anything physical.  Last I heard, hookers cost a few hundred bucks.  I normally don't go to restaurants that cost that much so the cost of taking me out and getting a hooker don't really balance out.  If I don't want to do anything with you, that's my choice and your problem.  Shell out the extra money you need for a solution or find a girl who is willing to do what you want.  I think any man who knowingly and deliberately commits sexual assault deserves to have the favor repaid in jail.  If he doesn't know what he did wrong or even claims for a second that, "She was into it," he deserves a taste of his own medicine.

Personally, I think by hooking up, we women are selling ourselves short.  If all you want is a boy toy with no strings, that's your choice.  For everyone else, holding out may make it easier to find a quality person and relationship.  Good things come to those who wait and you won't appreciate what you don't have to work for.  Plus, it weeds out the lame guys who only want easy sex, not us as people.  Like Kelly Clarkson, I do not hook up.  There are no muddy waters for me so it makes it easier in a lot of ways.
Sweet Lips

Abstinence Only Sex Education

I think this is one of the top five stupidest things I've ever heard.  Let's stop teens from having sex by telling them birth control fails, lots of people get horrible diseases, have babies, get abortions, don't go to college because they become mommies...If we scare them and tell them the only truly safe way is to not have sex until you're married, they'll stop having sex.  If I have learned anything about people in the past few years, they will do what they want whether you think they should or not.

Teens across the country will continue to have sex and they will do so in an uninformed manner.  I always heard that condoms have a 97% success rate in preventing pregnancy and if you use lubricant and only wear one, the odds of them breaking are very low.  they also do an excellent job in protecting against diseases.  The pill, when taken correctly, has a 99% success rate in protecting against pregnancy.  It doesn't do anything for diseases since it's a pill and most diseases are spread by direct contact. 

Yes, the only way to be 100% safe is to abstain from sex and we should tell teens that but there's a much better scare tactic.  Don't use personal examples unless they are real but general information about diseases should work.  I know the idea of having crabs is enough to make me leery of random hook-ups.  Add all of the other diseases and what they do and how long they last (like herpes which lasts forever), you shouldn't need a "condoms suck" tactic.  If teens do choose to have sex, they know what they're getting themselves into.

If teens choose to have sex, and many will, they should be informed.  If they aren't, what happens to them is partly the fault of the teens and partly the fault of the people who didn't tell them the whole truth.  My kids will know all the options and all the fun side-effects.  I will show my kids pictures if need be but I'll tell them the whole truth.  If they make a poorly informed choice, it won't be because I told them some "Just Say No" propaganda.
Sweet Lips

(no subject)

My roommate was getting ready to meet her boy to  Reach Out She used the youtube video and I decided to watch it when she said she barely recognized Hilary Duff in it.

I find it ironic that she barely recognized Duff since she has the same haircut as she did when she first started out. Her hair has identical color and cut as it did in Yesterday and Wake Up. The makeup is bolder and brighter. Her first major appearance change occurs in With Love when she goes brunette. It was also the first time she attempted to sex it up. It's definitely a more subtle transition but a tall, dark and handsome chasing her and the her pushing and pulling him in the elevator send very clear signals about her now-budding sexuality. Does the hip swinging and gyrating in the empty elevator remind anyone else of the movie scenes of strip clubs?

If you look at Reach Out, she looks more like she did in her innocent days visually but that quickly gets shot to hell. While Duff is not one of the pseudo streakers, you see her gyrating suggestively, touching herself, clinging to a guys leg, leaning against his chest so all you see over his bare back is her head, crossing her legs and adjusting her skirt in the pool teasing you with the non-existent pantie/vagina shot and sucking on a guy's thumb. Don't forget the split-second shots of her hands being bound or her being blindfolded. We get. No more squeaky clean teen queen. She's an over-sexed barely legal tramp. Must you beat us over the head with it.

The last time I saw this must suggestive imagery that didn't lead to sex was in a rap video. Jesus Christ. I was surprised when I first watched it but looking at it more critically I'm shocked at how much subtle imagery you can miss the first time you watch it. Kids look up to her. People who loved her when they were 6 or 8 still love her when they are the impressionable tweens. They get messages about how they should look and act from this kind of crap. I would not want a role model for my child (or any child for that matter) involved soft core bondage especially on something that will be all over TV and the internet. A leaked home movie I get but on something that tween girls will be watching pisses me off. This is something that cause tween boys to go take a shower and should not be something that tween girls learn to do.

Congratulations Duff. You have disappointed mothers everywhere. Sorry moms, guess your kids will have to find someone else to love now that she's on Santa's naughty list. Vanessa Hudgens is out because she broke the cardinal rule of being a celebrity (never get it on any kind of film dumbass). Ashley Tisdale hasn't screwed up yet but give it time.

What is it with the expectation that tween and teens need to be totally sexed up and available anyway? Why are girls being taught to act this way? When I was in jr high I never gave blow jobs. I didn't in high school either. I think it's complete crap that teen boys expect it from girls. I have yet to find a guy who clearly expected it for no reason. What, you bought me dinner so I need to be on my knees? Fuck that. With my gag reflex and feminist politics you had damn well better earn that and I don't mean dinner. I'm sorry but any guy who expects that treatment simply because you're there is not worth your time or effort because he clearly does not respect you or your body.

And I am not pulling this out of no where. I started but did not finish a book about over-sexed teens in Boston and have heard many a tale about hooking up where it was expected and implied that the girl should blow the guy. I have never had that problem in my life but then again I'm a no nonsense person. If you want an easy lay, try the dumb drunk chick who can barely walk in 4 inch heels and neglected to bring a coat despite the 30 degree wind chill. She is clearly not that bright and doesn't like her body that much anyway. I'll stop now because that's a whole different rant which I do not have time for tonight. Besides, two is enough for one blog.
Sweet Lips

Ice Cream,Cosmo and Sex

I realized something over lunch today: Cosmo's sex advice is like making an ice cream flavor. It starts with a fairly simple and well known base (vanilla, chocolate, blow jobs, intercourse) and then adds fun things (fudge fish, marshmallows, caramel, chocolate sauce, handcuffs). Some of it fits/makes sense despite being a little random (sprinkles, cookie dough, blindfolds). Some are not so good based on personal preference (chocolate chips, peppermint pieces, altoids, riding crops). Others are just so out there that you know better than to try it (BDSM, Chunky Monkey, Rainforest Crunch).  All in all, the more popular one (most seen or used or purchased) is not all that radically different from the original.
Shake It

Google Image Search

I found an icon a while back that said "Everything I learned about sex I got from a Google image search." I decided to see what happened when I google image searched sex.

I found a sex toy of a whole new kind.

There was actually remarkably little things to be found when I googled Sex that were pornographic. Even when I google imaged lesbian sex, straight sex, human sex, sexual intercourse and a few others was anything pornographic to be found. Google images were fairly well censored.
Sweet Lips

Homosexuality in Animals

I have always hated the argument that the reason homosexuality is "wrong and unnatural."  Something that is 'unnatural' is supposed to be something that never occurs in nature, correct? If that is the popularly held definition by the homophobes, I've got news for them: Homosexuality occurs all over the animal kingdom! That's right, various mammals and non-mammals are having anal sex, lesbian relationships and a variety of other things. Oh, and it also occurs in at least 2 species of primates other than humans. And I got some links to back it up. 



National Geographic

Next time someone says its unnatural, just ask them if they think giraffes, turkeys, chimps (bonobo), bottle-nosed dolphins (AKA Flipper), dragonflies, Macaques (breed of monkey), orcas/killer whales, spotted hyenas, lions, elephants, sheep & the American Bison are unnatural b/c those are just some of the species that do it. : >
Sweet Lips

Quotes from Readings

Here are a couple of quotes from some articles I had to read about transgender people. 

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The other quotes are from a book I started reading about useless sex facts. I got it on sale for $2 when my So and I were wandering around an Urban Outfitters yesterday. I'm not done yet by some of these range from ridiculous to hilarious to just plain wrong/EW!

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Sweet Lips

Sexy Bloopers

I've always thought sex was an inherently messy, goofy, funny activity. I am not denying or downplaying the emotional connection people feel for each other or the intimacy it brings but there's more than that. Contrary ot cinematic portrayls, sex is not always romantic, prefectly executed and fantastic. Like in Dogma, "Sex is a pretty big joke down here. Look at the faces you people make." People make the goofiest facees during sex. If you don't make at least one odd face during intercourse, you're not letting go enough.

Then you have situational mishaps. The phone rings, the dog comes in, you have a minor issue with a garment, you get a cramp or burp or something like that. If you can't laugh, the mood and moment are dead in the water. Or what about an odd position where your partner looks silly or you guys just aren't Cirque De Soliel material and can't quite pull it off. Again, if you can't laugh, there's no fun in it.

Sex can be a very serious business with the consequences and the intimacy involved but it is also supposed to feel good and be fun. If you take sex so seriously that you can't laugh when something doesn't go right, I don't think you have and business in having it.